Yep! you read the title right, I’m about to drag you into poverty, because honestly, there’s no way I could advise you otherwise.
…Well, I have to admit that I’ve thought about Googling some really good tips on saving money so I can pretend to be a responsible adult, but that would make me a liar, and as we all know by now I can’t lie – I’m an angel!
Okay, seriously now, it’s the same story every single month: I get paid on the 1st day of the month, and by the end of the week I am basically broke. You know that feeling when you believe that you’re the richest person on Earth for a while and everything around you seems so cheap and necessary to have? Yeah, that’s me, the first week of every single month. Besides, who cares about price tags, right?! (I’m crying inside…confessions of a shopaholic!)
I have no idea how to have a budget and my bank account is usually empty. I’ve mastered the art of spending all my money (which –to my defense- is not that much anyway) in zero time, and if you’re a millennial, you probably already know how to do it, too. If not, don’t worry! – I’ll tell you all about it!
- Download all the shopping apps on your phone:
I must say that I haven’t always been a big fan of shopping apps. My cousin introduced me to online shopping a few years ago, and back then, I couldn’t understand why she was so excited with all the scrolling up and down. I personally thought she was missing out on the ritual. Oh weeeeell, that was back in 2013 when I had plenty of time to actually go to the Mall and try on every single piece of clothing I’d find cute. Right now, I’m wondering who’s got time for real shops in 2019?!
There are so many shopping apps installed on my phone right now and I’m basically scrolling all day long… Online shopping is a lifesaver and a disaster – AT THE SAME TIME.
- Do you need a new dress for a special occasion? – Online shopping.
- Are you bored at work? – Online shopping.
- Are there only €50 left in your bank account? – Online shopping.
- Did you break up, have no money and your life sucks? – Online shopping!
Bye-bye money, it was nice to have you for a while.
- Don’t stay at home on weekdays:
Why stay at home and save money when you can go out on weekdays and literally eat and drink your entire salary? Why rest when you can sleep at 01:30 and go to work a few hours later feeling like dead meat? Why would you wait for the weekend to go out like everyone else? Follow my example, people. Be broke, almost alcoholic and tired 24/7.
- Order food every single day:
Don’t get me wrong – my mum is a really good cook but IInever eat at home – I’m either too busy and out of the house, or too forgetful to take my lunch to work. It’s all cool until there’s no more money in my bank account, though. Until then…
- I order my breakfast and coffee at work, because «oh my God, I can’t live without these oats pancakes».
- S**t, I forgot my lunch at home AGAIN, but hey, that’s okay – there’s a salad bar around the corner.
- Dinner? – Oh that’s my favourite. If I make it to the gym, I’d be basically running like crazy in order to have a shower and get ready to go out. So “No mum, I’m not having dinner with you, I’m obviously, eating out.” (Yes, mum, for the seventh time in a row) “That’s what all rich millennials who get paid the minimum wage do, mum – don’t worry about it!”
- Book it now, worry later.
If travelling was free, you’d never see me again. My life goal is to travel the world and meet people, so I just can’t say no to holidays. I don’t care if it’s too expensive, I find a way. At the end of the month I probably have to sell one of my kidneys for some cash, but I don’t care. Many people live normal, healthy lives with one kidney, so why would that be a problem? (Don’t tell my mum I said that, please, she’s going to kill me)
I know that I’m not really helping, but if all these sound familiar to you, you should know that you’re not alone. There’s a whole army of irresponsible adults, just like you and me, living their best lives and regretting it right when they see their balance a week after they get paid. Then it’s always… I love you mum, thanks for helping out 3 weeks of every month.