Taken from Good housekeeping
We all lead busy lives – but it doesn’t mean your sex life has to disappear. Sexual health expert Samantha Evans shares her tips…
When life gets busy and tiring, our sex lives are often the first casualty.
Work, young kids or looking after elderly parents can all take their toll on your energy levels, and it’s therefore unsurprising that passion quickly moves to the bottom of the list.
A National Sleep Foundation survey (2010) found that nearly 25% of cohabiting respondents report often being too tired to have sex with their partner.
And it’s not just young women with kids affected – a 2011 study found that a lack of sleep can reduce male sexual desire, while recent research has found that sleep disturbance in menopausal women impacts their sex drive.
So why do you need to bother with sex?
Of course, for all of us there will be times when we genuinely are too tired to even think about sex – but if this becomes a constant theme in your relationship, it’s important to address it.
For many people, a satisfying sex life is important to ensure closeness and intimacy in a relationship. If one partner feels they are constantly being turned down or pushed away, it can lead to issues.
Plus, sex is not only pleasurable, but also has many health benefits too.
Enjoying sexual intimacy improves your mood by releasing feel good endorphins. It can also help you sleep, lower your blood pressure, boost your immunity, alleviate pain and reduce stress too.
In fact, a good sex life can even boost your work life: research at Oregon State University’s College of Business (2017) found that maintaining a healthy sex life at home boosts employees’ job satisfaction and engagement at work.
How can you enjoy more sex?
Once you have fallen into a rut of having no sex, it can be hard to introduce it back into your routine. However, there are a few things you can do to stop tiredness hindering intimacy with your partner…
- Go to bed at a decent hour
As adults, we often delay our bedtime to get everything done or spend our evenings slumped in front of the TV or computer rather than getting comfy in bed. If you need to get up at 6am, then generally you need to go to bed by 10pm to ensure that you get adequate sleep.
To increase your chances of having sex, go to bed earlier, so you avoid feeling under pressure to have sex when all you want to do is sleep. Switch off technology in the bedroom too.
- The 10-minute rule
Even though you may not feel like being intimate, give it 10 minutes: intimate kissing, cuddling and touching may get you in the mood.
- Beyond penetration
If the thought of full-blown sexual intercourse fills you with dread because of tiredness, think beyond penetration. Try foreplay, kissing, touching, an intimate massage or mutual masturbation instead.
- Spice it up
Are you tired because your sex life is boring?
Talk to your partner about what you really enjoy and like doing, what you would like to do and what is definitely a no-no. Perhaps you would like to try a sex toy but are unsure of how your partner will react.
Read erotica and watch naughty films, or experiment with light bondage to add a little spice!
- Enjoy sex wherever and whenever you can
Night-time may simply not be the right time for sex for some people.
If you are an early riser, take advantage of this and have early morning sex, or set the alarm for 20 minutes earlier to indulge.
Take advantage of children being at school, at parties or doing their hobbies and nip into bed then. Even if you don’t have sex, you can still enjoy cuddling, kissing and foreplay.
Make a regular date night or even a night away to recharge your sexual batteries and rediscover sexual intimacy and pleasure.
- Share the chores
You are not going to feel sexy after spending two hours ironing.
Sharing the workload will make you feel less resentful and tired at the end of the day, and hopefully more willing to go to bed and enjoy sex rather than collapse in a heap under the duvet.
- Medical issues
Some people think they are too tired for sex when in fact their low libido could be caused by medical issues.
Stress, depression and anxiety not only sap our energy, they can also lead to decreased desire in both men and women.
Low libido also causes erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness or even body image issues, making sex feel uncomfortable or just not possible.
Incorporate sexual lubricant into your sex play if vaginal dryness is problematic, and seek medical advice if you think you have a sexual problem.
Also be aware that some medication taken before bedtime can make you feel sleepy, or may have sexual side effects too.
Once back in the swing of having sex, you probably won’t want to stop.
Taken from: Good Housekeeping